i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I deserve this hangover.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
