You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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