Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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