we have officially lost it.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
