its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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