Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
