I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
