dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
