at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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