she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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