Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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