Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
