I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
