Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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