Jerry, you need to find god
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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