oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
