this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
