First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
