I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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