I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize