Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
