i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
