Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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