Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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