I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
