i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
