Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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