Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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