Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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