Im at strip club and am horny
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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