yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
