i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
