Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
