The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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