sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
