it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize