I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
