Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
