he thought i was a dude.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
