Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
