Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
