Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
