I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
