I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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