you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
