i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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