wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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