He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
