Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
