Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
