I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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