Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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