Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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