I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
