I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
