bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
