i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
