margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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