Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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