After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
