he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
