When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
