It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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