There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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