Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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