I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
