taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
