I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
vagina is talking i cant
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
