It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
