my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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