Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
