all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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