first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
