I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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