strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
