3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
