My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
