Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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