Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize