New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
