you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
