she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
