I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
