Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Green mimosas i think yes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
