i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize