Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
