Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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