just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
