is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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