Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
