I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
