Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
