please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
