So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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