At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize