Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
