fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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