i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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