i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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