I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I lost the right to judge tonight
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
