Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
