I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
