strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
