bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
