I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
