I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
