Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
