he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
