Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
